The nation has voted!… The ‘Top Ten Christmas Cracker Jokes’ for 2025 voted by the public on U&GOLD comedy channel. As part of the annual festive competition, now in its 13th year, a joke about former Prince Andrew, who was recently stripped of all his titles came top in the public vote. The winning joke by Ben Smith from Chelmsford, received £1500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and box of bespoke U&GOLD Christmas Crackers.
The announcement made on the nations favourite comedy channel, U&GOLD, invited the public to submit their festive funnies to be shortlisted by a panel of judges and then put out to the viewers to vote for their favourite.
Two of the jokes that made it into the top 5, included “Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up” and “What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually”.
The former Prince, not only came top of the funny list, but was also mentioned in another Top Ten joke this year. Check out the Top Ten list below…
U&Gold’s ‘Top Ten’ funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2025 are revealed as:
- Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!
- Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.
- Which pop star carves her own wooden Nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter
- What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.
- What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.
- Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened!
- Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.
- What is Claudia Winkleman’s favourite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters
- Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all
- Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? – His house in Clacton
Jokes that just missed out on the top 10, included a quip about the Prime Minister, “What’s the difference between Keir Starmer and Jesus? Jesus could put together a solid cabinet”.
The annual joke competition celebrates U&GOLD’s seasonal TV lineup, which includes classic festive episodes of some of the nation’s favourite comedies, ranging from Dad’s Army to The Fast Show and The Vicar of Dibley – alongside much-loved Only Fools and Horses, set to air on Christmas day.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the U&GOLD judging panel, says, “An absolutely stellar list of jokes this year – possibly one of our best ever in the thirteen years U&GOLD has been running this competition! 2025 has featured a number of news-worthy moments, and there’s a real mix of topical jokes here that poke fun at some of the year’s headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered this year.”
Gerald Casey, Director of Programme, Comedy and Entertainment, UKTV says, “Congratulations to our 2025 winners! Another fantastic year of hilarious entries, showing that the British public are a funny as ever when it comes to the news. We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U&GOLD Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes from the likes of The Vicar of Dibley, The Fast Show and Only Fools and Horses.”
All the jokes voted for by the British public are original content to the best of U&GOLD’s knowledge.
Entertainment Swindon 
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